Preventing Behaviour that Challenges: How Emotion Regulation and Co-Regulation Can Reduce Distress
Few experiences can feel as overwhelming for parents and carers as witnessing an autistic young person have a behaviour that challenges. In those moments, it can be difficult to know what to do, what to say, or how to help.
Many people mistakenly view behaviours that challenge as behavioural problems, attention-seeking, or deliberate acts of defiance. However, research and lived experience tell us something very different. Behaviours that challenge are often a sign that an individual has become overwhelmed and that their nervous system is struggling to cope with current demands. Understanding emotional regulation and co-regulation can help us move from simply reacting to behaviours that challenge towards preventing them in the first place.
What are Behaviours that Challenge?
A behaviour that challenges is an intense response to overwhelming stress, sensory input, emotional distress, or cognitive overload.
Unlike a tantrum, a behaviour that challenges is not typically driven by a desire to gain something or influence others. Instead, it reflects a loss of the ability to effectively manage overwhelming internal and external demands.
Behaviours that challenge may look different from person to person. Some individuals may cry, shout, or become visibly distressed. Others may withdraw, become non-verbal, or experience what is often referred to as a shutdown.
The important thing to remember is that behaviours that challenge are not a choice. They are often the result of cumulative stress exceeding a person’s capacity to cope at that moment.
Why Are Behaviours that Challenge More Likely to Occur?
Many autistic individuals experience challenges with emotion regulation, which refers to the ability to recognise, understand, and manage emotions effectively (Reyes et al., 2019).
Several factors can contribute to emotional overwhelm:
Sensory overload
Unexpected changes in routine
Communication difficulties
Social stress
Fatigue
Anxiety
Executive functioning challenges
Multiple demands occurring at once
Often, a behaviour that challenges is not caused by one event. It is the result of many stressors building up over time. The loud classroom, the unexpected schedule change, the uncomfortable clothing, the difficult social interaction, and the poor night’s sleep may all contribute to a nervous system that is already under strain.
The Importance of Co-Regulation
Before young people can consistently regulate themselves, they often need support from trusted adults. This process is known as co-regulation.
Co-regulation occurs when a calm, responsive adult helps a young person manage emotional distress through connection, safety, and support (Southward & Cheavens, 2021).
Think of it as helping someone borrow your calm when they cannot access their own.
Co-regulation may involve:
Speaking in a calm and reassuring tone
Reducing demands temporarily
Offering reassurance without judgement
Providing physical space if needed
Validating emotions
Remaining emotionally available
When adults remain regulated, they create conditions that help the young person’s nervous system begin to settle.
Preventing Behaviours that Challenge Before They Happen
Although behaviours that challenge cannot always be prevented, understanding early signs of stress can significantly reduce their frequency and intensity.
Learn the Early Warning Signs
Many autistic individuals show signs of distress before a behaviour that challenges occurs.
These might include:
Increased pacing
Repetitive questioning
Irritability
Withdrawal
Increased stimming
Difficulty concentrating
Changes in communication
Recognising these signs early provides an opportunity to intervene before overwhelm escalates.
Reduce Sensory Stress
Sensory overload is one of the most common contributors to behaviours that challenge.
Helpful strategies may include:
Noise-cancelling headphones
Quiet spaces
Reduced lighting
Sensory breaks
Access to preferred sensory tools
Small environmental changes can make a significant difference.
Create Predictability
Uncertainty can increase anxiety. Visual schedules, countdowns, social stories, and advance warnings about changes can help individuals feel more prepared and in control.
Predictability reduces cognitive load and supports emotional regulation.
Support Emotional Awareness
Some autistic individuals may find it difficult to identify what they are feeling until emotions become overwhelming.
Helping young people recognise emotions earlier can be beneficial.
Tools such as:
Emotion scales
Feelings charts
Colour-coded regulation systems
Visual supports
can help increase emotional awareness over time.
Focus on Safety, Not Compliance
When someone is overwhelmed, prioritising compliance often increases distress.
Instead of asking:
“How do I stop this behaviour?”
It can be more helpful to ask:
“What does this person need right now to feel safe?”
This shift in perspective often changes the entire interaction.
What To Do During a Behaviour that Challenges
If a behaviour that challenges occurs, the goal is not to teach, reason, or correct behaviour.
The goal is safety.
Helpful responses may include:
Staying calm
Reducing verbal demands
Lowering sensory input
Giving processing time
Offering reassurance
Ensuring physical safety
Once the individual has recovered, there may be opportunities to reflect on what contributed to the distress and what supports may help in the future.
Emotional Safety Comes First
One of the most important lessons for parents, carers, and support workers is that emotional regulation develops within relationships.
Young people learn how to manage emotions through repeated experiences of being understood, supported, and helped through difficult moments.
When we prioritise emotional safety, we create conditions where learning, communication, and independence can flourish.
Final Thoughts
Behaviours that challenge are not signs of failure. They are signs that a person’s coping resources have been exceeded.
Rather than asking, “How do I stop behaviours that challenge?” a more helpful question may be:
“How can I better understand what is causing distress?”
By recognising early signs of overwhelm, reducing unnecessary stressors, and using co-regulation strategies, we can help autistic individuals feel safer, more understood, and better supported.
Preventing behaviours that challenge is rarely about control. It is about connection. And connection is often where regulation begins.
References
Mazefsky, C. A., Herrington, J., Siegel, M., Scarpa, A., Maddox, B. B., Scahill, L., & White, S. W. (2013). The role of emotion regulation in autism spectrum disorder. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 52(7), 679–688. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2013.05.006
Reyes, N. M., Pickard, K., Reaven, J., & Hepburn, S. (2019). Emotion regulation: A treatment target for autism spectrum disorder. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic, 83(3), 205–234. https://doi.org/10.1521/bumc.2019.83.3.205
Southward, M. W., & Cheavens, J. S. (2021). The mechanisms of co-regulation in social relationships. Clinical Psychology Review, 88, 102058. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102058
Weiss, J. A., Thomson, K., Burnham Riosa, P., Albaum, C., Chan, V., Maughan, A., Tablon, P., & Black, K. (2018). A randomized waitlist-controlled trial of cognitive behaviour therapy to improve emotion regulation in children with autism. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 59(11), 1180–1191. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12915
