Myth: Autistic People Can’t Have Friends
Understanding Friendship, Empathy, and Connection in Autism
One of the most harmful myths about autism is the belief that autistic people do not want or cannot have meaningful friendships.
Many parents first hear this misconception shortly after their child is diagnosed. Others assume that because an autistic individual enjoys spending time alone or communicates differently, they must not be interested in relationships.
However, research paints a very different picture. Many autistic individuals value friendship deeply. Like everyone else, they seek companionship, trust, shared interests, acceptance, and belonging. The difference is often how friendships develop and how social connection is expressed; not whether it is desired.
At Autism Life Centres (ALC), we see this every day. Many of the autistic young adults we support build genuine, lasting friendships through shared activities, predictable routines, common interests, and supportive environments. Some friendships develop quickly, while others take time; but when individuals feel understood and accepted, meaningful relationships can flourish.
Friendship Looks Different for Everyone
Friendship does not have one universal definition. Some people enjoy large friendship groups and frequent social gatherings. Others prefer one or two close friends.
Many autistic individuals are no different.
Some may:
Prefer smaller social circles.
Enjoy spending time with friends who share similar interests.
Need regular time alone after social interactions.
Communicate in ways that differ from neurotypical expectations.
None of these preferences mean someone is incapable of friendship.
Rather, they reflect individual differences in social style.
The Myth Comes From Misunderstanding
Historically, autism was often described as involving a lack of interest in other people.
Today, researchers recognise that this description is overly simplistic.
Autistic individuals may communicate differently, struggle with interpreting some social cues, or experience sensory overload during social situations. These factors can make social interactions more challenging; but they do not mean they lack the desire for connection.
Many autistic people report wanting friendships but finding it difficult to navigate unwritten social rules or maintain relationships in environments that are not accommodating (Mazurek, 2014; Sedgewick et al., 2019).
Do Autistic People Lack Empathy?
Another common misconception is that autistic people lack empathy.
Recent research challenges this belief.
Meta-analyses suggest that differences in empathy between autistic and non-autistic individuals are generally small and more nuanced than previously believed. Researchers have also argued that traditional measures of empathy may underestimate autistic people’s empathic abilities because they rely heavily on neurotypical styles of communication and emotional expression (Song et al., 2019).
Many autistic individuals experience deep emotional concern for others but express it differently.
For example, someone may:
Offer practical help instead of verbal reassurance.
Sit quietly beside a distressed friend.
Remember important details about someone’s interests.
Become emotionally overwhelmed by another person’s distress.
These are meaningful expressions of empathy, even if they do not fit conventional social expectations.
Understanding the Double Empathy Problem
One of the biggest advances in autism research is the concept of the Double Empathy Problem, introduced by autism researcher Damian Milton. Rather than assuming autistic people alone struggle to understand others, this theory suggests that communication difficulties are often mutual. Autistic and non-autistic people may simply have different ways of communicating and interpreting social situations. This means that misunderstandings are shared, not one-sided.
Recognising this shifts the conversation away from:
“Why can’t autistic people socialise?”
towards:
“How can we better understand each other’s communication styles?”
This perspective encourages greater empathy on both sides.
Why Friendships May Develop Differently
Friendships often form through repeated positive experiences.
Autistic individuals may benefit from:
Predictable routines
Shared hobbies and interests
Smaller groups
Low-pressure environments
Clear communication
Extra processing time
Many friendships become stronger when people meet through activities they genuinely enjoy, rather than through unstructured social situations.
At ALC, we frequently see friendships develop naturally during meet and greet, creative activities, sensory sessions, community outings, games, gardening, cooking, or shared interests.
When social interaction is built around comfort and common interests, confidence often grows.
How Parents and Carers Can Help
Supporting friendships does not mean forcing social interaction.
Instead, parents and carers can create opportunities that feel safe and meaningful.
Helpful strategies include:
Encourage Shared Interests
Friendships often grow more naturally when people enjoy the same activities.
Respect Social Energy
Many autistic individuals need quiet time after socialising.
This is regulation, not rejection.
Focus on Quality Over Quantity
One close, trusted friend can be far more meaningful than a large friendship group.
Teach Explicit Social Skills
Many unwritten social rules can be taught gently and directly without expecting someone to mask who they are.
Celebrate Different Communication Styles
Some autistic individuals show affection through actions, shared activities, humour, or reliability rather than frequent conversation.
The Role of Inclusive Environments
Friendships thrive when people feel accepted.
Inclusive environments reduce anxiety and create opportunities for authentic connection.
At ALC, we prioritise creating spaces where autistic individuals can interact at their own pace, explore shared interests, and develop relationships without pressure to conform to neurotypical social expectations.
Rather than asking individuals to change who they are, we focus on creating environments where everyone feels safe enough to be themselves.
When acceptance comes first, friendships often follow naturally.
A Different Way to Think About Friendship
Perhaps the question is not:
“Can autistic people have friends?”
Instead, we should ask:
“Are we creating environments where autistic friendships can grow?”
When we replace assumptions with understanding, we begin to see what has always been there:
People who value connection.
People who care deeply.
People who simply communicate friendship in their own way.
Final Thoughts
The myth that autistic people cannot have friends is both inaccurate and damaging.
Autistic individuals often value meaningful relationships just as much as anyone else. What differs is not the desire for friendship but the way friendships are built, maintained, and expressed.
By understanding communication differences, respecting individual preferences, and creating inclusive environments, we can help autistic individuals build authentic relationships that support confidence, belonging, and wellbeing.
Friendship is not measured by how many people someone knows.
It is measured by feeling accepted, understood, and valued for who you are.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Publishing.
Milton, D. E. M. (2018). A critique of the double empathy problem. Disability & Society, 33(9), 1531–1538. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2018.1527429
Sedgewick, F., Hill, V., Yates, R., Pickering, L., & Pellicano, E. (2019). Gender differences in the social motivation and friendship experiences of autistic and non-autistic adolescents. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(6), 2458–2469. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-018-3868-2
Song, Y., Qiu, S., Fan, Y., & Liu, J. (2019). Meta-analysis of empathy in individuals with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(6), 2413–2425. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-019-03959-5
Crompton, C. J., Hallett, S., Ropar, D., Flynn, E., & Fletcher-Watson, S. (2020). ‘I never realised everybody felt as happy as I do when I am around autistic people’: A thematic analysis of autistic adults’ relationships. Autism, 24(6), 1438–1448. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361320908976
